“Democrats really are willing to do anything to prove that Donald Trump is a pervert,” said the club’s manager. “It’s been really good for business.”
“Our goal is for the Senate to take its obligation to the American public seriously,” said Burleigh. “American women should be lining up with their Senate kneepads on to demand respect for women in positions of power.”
The federal General Services Administration has hired a high-tech Swiss cuisine corporation to serve meals at the Congressional cafeteria, in the hopes that a neutral refreshment provider will keep Democrats and Republicans from killing each other.
Sacramento is looking for a new label, but a new invention by Tomato City “native son” Wichard Rong could throw a bong into plans for the rebranding as “America’s Farm to Fork Capital.”
“People say there’s a Muslim immigration ban, but this mission proves otherwise,” said Lightfoot. “If there are 72 million Muslim virgins on Mars, bringing them home would probably secure peace in the Middle East.”
California’s favorite cis-gendered son was banned from “the playground” at San Francisco’s famous fetish festival this weekend, but his steely-dan gaze and fabulous hair made a magnificent impression on voters at the suspension booth.
What were Robert De Niro, Rob Reiner, and Brett Kavanaugh doing in 1982? Leaving John Belushi to die of a drug overdose in a Hollywood bungalow. Bada bing bada boom!