BREAKING: Speaker Pelosi fights back as Trump cancels overseas trip
“Due to your sudden refusal to provide a government airplane for the Democratic majority’s seven-day excursion … we will be running train instead,” wrote the Speaker.
Elizabeth Warren exploratory committee tests Big Waters with new policy papers
“If the Eagle at the top of the Tree of the Great Peace sees in the distance any danger threatening these principles, he will at once warn the people of the Nation,” said Warren.
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California ‘Women’s March’ canceled because participants match local diversity
The group will organize around International Women’s Day instead, and explore the possibility of importing more foreign black women by ship to improve diversity.
LeBron James deplatformed by Instagram after ‘Jewish money’ post
“It definitely was not LeBron’s intent to hurt anybody,” said Tamika Mallory. “It is a compliment to say slave-owning Jews hold all the wealth, and anyone who doesn’t understand that is a racist, especially that termite Zuckerberg.”
This 1 ridiculous law makes it unconstitutional for James Tufts to run for president
Seriously, age 8 just isn’t that young anymore. People younger than that routinely handle critical government policies like stealing money from their mom’s wallet or hacking the school principal’s email account.
Billions of tons of carbon in the Deep Earth pose no threat to human health
Scientists are using deep-drilling techniques to understand just how much CO2 humans can pump into the Earth without causing a catastrophic rejection event.
Socialist dominatrix forced to sue clients who demand free services
When her bank account was flush, she could afford to be cruel only to white men. Now she has to be mean to guys who aren’t white just to make ends meet. “It’s depressing,” she says, “but my commitment to socialism will see me through until I get the settlement check.”
SAG demands actors ‘buy American’ when getting penis facial treatments
“Our estimates are that Hollywood would only need 75 percent of the foreskins collected from the 600,000 legal abortions we induce every year,” said Planned Parenthood President Leana Wen. “There’s clearly no legitimate need to import Korean foreskins.”
