“We’re playing for very high stakes, and if a moderate doesn’t start winning we may need to ask — ‘what would Lenin do?'” said former Virginia governor Terry McAuliffe.
The 2020 Nevada Democratic caucuses will take place on February 22. Get yourself and your friends ready for Mayor Pete’s soaring rhetoric by making up one of his speeches for yourself! (Large quantities of alcohol recommended.)
“I’m in the best shape of my life even without a functioning national healthcare system,” said one woman. “I’m happy we’re not participating in the orgy of fossil-energy consumption.”
Attention PNW: Don’t let your children be enslaved by Nazis or drowned by a massive tsunami. Don’t be left behind. Leave today.
“I canceled the plan in 2017 because a $43 billion cost increase was too expensive, but today I’m announcing no bullet train at all will cost $80.3 billion and will be ready in 13 years,” said the governor.
“If Medicare for All hits, the crater would be about 125 miles across,” according to a NASA press release. “The initial explosion would instantly kill 75% of doctors within a 500-mile radius.”
American media oligarchs are preparing cities and towns across the country for the Democratic Primaries by outfitting TV trucks with massive bleach sprayers to eliminate any source of illicit information.
“It’s an image which calls to mind what people have done for revolution before, symbolizing revolt by low- and middle-income people,” Mankid said. “I don’t literally want mass graves in Massachusetts.”
The candidate was responding to a woman who asked, “You don’t carry the white man’s burden, so how do you explain your 4th place finish in Iowa behind a gay man, a Communist, and a Native American woman?”
“Fairness is what it means to be a Socialist, and you should proudly vote for anyone on this stage except billionaires using their ill-gotten gains to run for president,” Sanders said at Friday’s debate.
Democratic strategist James Carville is preparing to impeach Bernie Sanders. Sanders is preparing to impeach billionaire Mike Bloomberg. Warren is preparing to impeach Bernie, who is also preparing to impeach her. Ad nauseum.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Erykah Badu have vagina-scented products, but The Squad will offer the public free reproductions of their Congressional bills, perfumed with each legislator’s unique essence.
