“The ‘bullet train’ stopped being an actual bullet train when we realized we’d have to share low-speed track with local commuter and freight services,” said a worker in Fresno who asked to remain anonymous. “That was in 2012.”
“Imagine never having to worry about a dictator,” said Newsom. “EVOTE will enable smart, forward-thinking Democratic leaders to bear the burden of voting on behalf of all the people.”
Heavily-pregnant young women, who had previously demanded that their children be “subject to the jurisdiction” of the fascist dictator Trump, screamed “Not My President” as they sailed over the flimsy sheet-metal barrier.
“If they go low, we kick them, threaten to bomb the White House, and publish presidential assassination porn in the New York Times,” said Eric Holder. “Civility can wait until after The Purge.”
When the panicked mob of infantile zombies in swaddling towels storms out Kafka’s castle to put you on trial with the hysterical axiom that you’re guilty precisely because you deny your guilt, the moral thing to do is watch them drown while confirming Supreme Court justices.
“We can’t have non-state actors diminishing our public relations efforts,” said Gov. Brown. “How many times do we have to deport these animals, anyway?”
California needs an America where undocumented private allegations can form the basis of social-media justice campaigns against evil people who believe in the presumption of innocence, and if that fails we can just kill federal judges.