Abe Normal, who works at the McMillen Art Gallery less than a mile from the Oregon border, seemed unfazed when our reporter said the offer was “free ice cream for a year.”
Gov. Jerry Brown said that “logistically it may not make sense, but morally and socially and politically it makes every sense, because it binds the driving community together into The Resistance.”
“I’m embarrassed to say it, but I didn’t even know I was at the Adult Video News Awards until the day after,” said the actor who insisted on anonymity.
“If it isn’t obvious, you’re not paying attention,” said CCPJ spokesman Josef Guevara. “We need a military coup to protect the separation of powers guaranteed by the Constitution.”
Fireman Joe Stackhouse spent years gathering body measurements of female firefighters. “I just hope these warehouse fires don’t put a damper on my efforts.”
Winfrey did not say she was running for president, but celebrities went wild when she said giving free stuff to the peasants didn’t start with Barack Obama.
“Calm the fuck down. This is the final launch of 2017, so we won’t be raping you from space until 2018,” said Vandenberg commander Col. Thomas Baiser. “Merry Christmas.”