Governor demands federal funds for crisis that doesn’t exist

“The White Hispanic governor of New Mexico is demanding an unknown amount of federal money to help pay for a crisis that doesn’t exist,” Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham said today from an empty building in an undisclosed location.

State government adds ‘RIOT’ and ‘RESIST’ buttons to elevators

“The state’s emergency plan requires employees to resist fascism,” said spokesman Hassan Chop. “The ‘RIOT’ button takes loyal employees to the garage level where we store signs, masks, and other materials useful for rooting out fascists.”