“I canceled the plan in 2017 because a $43 billion cost increase was too expensive, but today I’m announcing no bullet train at all will cost $80.3 billion and will be ready in 13 years,” said the governor.
“The White Hispanic governor of New Mexico is demanding an unknown amount of federal money to help pay for a crisis that doesn’t exist,” Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham said today from an empty building in an undisclosed location.
“The state’s emergency plan requires employees to resist fascism,” said spokesman Hassan Chop. “The ‘RIOT’ button takes loyal employees to the garage level where we store signs, masks, and other materials useful for rooting out fascists.”
“High taxes don’t usually harm a Progressive economy because our ideas are so good they don’t have any competition,” said Assemblyman Rob Bonta, D-Alameda. “But when bad actors are more competitive on price and cost, we need to level the playing field for good actors. At least temporarily.”
No one knows how much Imputed Income will be necessary to fund Healthcare for All, Preschool for All, Affordable Housing for All, or even Electric Vehicles for All. But that’s the beauty of it.
“We expect to unexpectedly find a lot of medical procedures that are inefficient and unnecessary,” said Senator Lara (D-Bell Gardens).
If the new tax plan doesn’t actually fix California’s roads, Caltrans is hiring a more diverse workforce to distract drivers from that realization.