American media oligarchs are preparing cities and towns across the country for the Democratic Primaries by outfitting TV trucks with massive bleach sprayers to eliminate any source of illicit information.
“Fairness is what it means to be a Socialist, and you should proudly vote for anyone on this stage except billionaires using their ill-gotten gains to run for president,” Sanders said at Friday’s debate.
Communist staffers for the Sanders campaign said they’re still in favor of American gulags, re-education camps, burning cities, and murdering people who resist, but would never sabotage elections to achieve their goals.
After Elizabeth Warren said a 9-year-old transgender boy will pick her Secretary of Education, Bernie Sanders announced the Communist Youth League will pick his Secretary of Defense.
“I am sad because world wants me erased from history of climate movement.” said the former dictator who has turned his managerial talents to organizing climate activists.
“I’m not surprised Bernie collapsed,” said his campaign manager. “It’s hard enough for Americans to believe you’re an honest Socialist, and then your focus group says Warren is more authentic.”
“If faced with allowing sexism against women or allowing the existence of Communist prison camps, Democratic Socialists choose prison camps,” said a national co-chair of the Sanders campaign.