“Due to your sudden refusal to provide a government airplane for the Democratic majority’s seven-day excursion … we will be running train instead,” wrote the Speaker.
When her bank account was flush, she could afford to be cruel only to white men. Now she has to be mean to guys who aren’t white just to make ends meet. “It’s depressing,” she says, “but my commitment to socialism will see me through until I get the settlement check.”
“Our estimates are that Hollywood would only need 75 percent of the foreskins collected from the 600,000 legal abortions we induce every year,” said Planned Parenthood President Leana Wen. “There’s clearly no legitimate need to import Korean foreskins.”
“Democrats really are willing to do anything to prove that Donald Trump is a pervert,” said the club’s manager. “It’s been really good for business.”
“Our goal is for the Senate to take its obligation to the American public seriously,” said Burleigh. “American women should be lining up with their Senate kneepads on to demand respect for women in positions of power.”
California’s favorite cis-gendered son was banned from “the playground” at San Francisco’s famous fetish festival this weekend, but his steely-dan gaze and fabulous hair made a magnificent impression on voters at the suspension booth.
What were Robert De Niro, Rob Reiner, and Brett Kavanaugh doing in 1982? Leaving John Belushi to die of a drug overdose in a Hollywood bungalow. Bada bing bada boom!