Bernie releases tax returns, joins Faith of the Seven Gods

“I’ve spent years ranting against the excesses of the wealthiest Americans, and now I’m a member of the 1%,” the presidential contender admitted. “So I had the seven-pointed star carved into my forehead to prove my devotion to Our Revolution.”

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CNN: Islamberg bomb plot proves Christianity can be a ‘religion of peace’

Tribal elder Phillips told CNN’s Don Lemon, “In many parts of the Muslim world, it is common for people of faith to encourage other people of faith by invading their places of worship. I’m certain that if we all do that more often we can speed up the process of American Islamization.”