The Good Old Samaritan Party said the Son of Man never offered or withheld military aid, but did meet with Zealots, prostitutes, and tax collectors without any quid pro quo.
The Party almost nominated Biden after he recalled facing down razor-toting gang members. His gravitas has only grown since he threatened to kick Putin out of Ukraine armed only with a 6-foot length of chain.
The former Vice President, who is white and 77, called an 83-year-old retired white man a “damn liar,” challenged him to a fitness test, and suggested he would lose in a duel of Rorschach tests.
“The president intimidated the NFL into offering the league’s best quarterback an illegitimate workout as a publicity stunt,” said the Intelligence chairman.
Former president Barack Obama has glimpsed the Apocalypse threatened by “cancel culture” and is setting up a campaign to run for Office of First Horseman.
Clinton gave Newsom a red button with the word “Reset” in an ancient language of Native Americans, but Russian asset Tulsi Gabbard noted that the word actually translates as “Overcharge.”
President Trump flipped the bird on Friday, causing every single American of voting age to change their mind about whether the gesture is offensive or not.