“I’m just doing my job!” she said, dabbing wet mascara from her eyelids. “I don’t understand why no one believes me!”
Huey P. “Navin” Newsom, the disowned nephew of Pope Gavin Newsom, noticed a foreboding statistic in the traffic logs of his small, but growing, right-wing satire site.
Editor’s note: We don’t post straight news. But when we do, it’s even more ridiculous than our satire.
Nobel-winning economist Paul Krugman tweeted today that someone has “compromised my fax machine and is using it to download child pornography.”
“The only way to save Progressivism,” says the voice from inside a vacuum chamber three stories tall, “is to entirely abandon Euclidean reality, even at the political level.”
“I don’t care about the massive destruction to our credibility,” CEO Zucker reportedly said. “I’d pay any price to get Sandmann on camera with Sharpton for 30 minutes.”
“Twitter is risking harsh sanctions for fake, false, and defamatory tweets alleging that many of our members believed the Steele Dossier was real,” said Adam Schiff.