“Data is transmitted to NORAD via the Geosynchronous Toilet Paper Tracking Satellite, or GitPits as the enlisted Space Force members have fondly named it,” said Master Chief Petty Officer of Space Force Kevin Davis.
“The project was delayed when market research showed most parents believe Hillary left Americans to die in Benghazi,” said Hasbro spokeswoman Prica Giocattolo. “And then Trump actually did save the embassy in Baghdad.”
“She threatened to put world leaders in front of a firing squad,” said an INTERPOL source. “The fact that she disappeared in the former Soviet bloc has not escaped us.”
Unexpectedly, the promotion took a dark twist on the morning of May 26 when Mrs. Clinton tweeted a bizarre question @Hasbro at 3:17 a.m. Pacific time.
Saint Colin prays with Occupy and firebombs a series of naval bases before being ensconced in a palatial home and preparing himself with spiritual rigor for his pitch to the Goddess Nike.
“If it isn’t obvious, you’re not paying attention,” said CCPJ spokesman Josef Guevara. “We need a military coup to protect the separation of powers guaranteed by the Constitution.”
“Calm the fuck down. This is the final launch of 2017, so we won’t be raping you from space until 2018,” said Vandenberg commander Col. Thomas Baiser. “Merry Christmas.”
