“The world looks to America for the values that unite us,” said Biden. “If we assert commonsense leadership, we can bring back the 12th Imam and ensure peace in our time.”
“It would be better to outlaw canines and make Islamic prayer mandatory for all,” said Choudary. “You don’t want bubonic plague, do you? Islam is the answer.”
“Dr. Cusack proved himself to be a true ally of Palestine,” said University President Dr. Amiri Baraka. “Today we honor him with a Doctorate in Applied Sciences of Surface to Surface Missile Technology.”
The Islamic Republic of Iran has announced a deal with the Trump Administration that allows Alyssa Milano’s line of “Purity” rings to be excluded from economic sanctions.
“Yes, Iran has launched a sex strike,” said noted religious sex policy expert Alyssa Milano. “But that has nothing to do with Islam and everything to do with economic pain caused by U.S. sanctions.”
Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) praised the decision, saying the world would finally “stop dehumanizing our Palestinian people.”
The switch was announced when it became clear that the “natural evolution” of French wasn’t happening fast enough and millions of Muslim immigrants demanded a more feminist language.