Biden promises to end ‘forever wars’ as first U.S. Supreme Leader
“The world looks to America for the values that unite us,” said Biden. “If we assert commonsense leadership, we can bring back the 12th Imam and ensure peace in our time.”
Islam rushes to complete global takeover before the next Year of the Dog in 2030
“It would be better to outlaw canines and make Islamic prayer mandatory for all,” said Choudary. “You don’t want bubonic plague, do you? Islam is the answer.”
Al-Aqsa University awards John Cusack with honorary degree for anti-Semitic rant
“Dr. Cusack proved himself to be a true ally of Palestine,” said University President Dr. Amiri Baraka. “Today we honor him with a Doctorate in Applied Sciences of Surface to Surface Missile Technology.”
Iran reaches deal to import Alyssa Milano ‘Purity’ rings
The Islamic Republic of Iran has announced a deal with the Trump Administration that allows Alyssa Milano’s line of “Purity” rings to be excluded from economic sanctions.
Iran orders ‘sex strike’ during Ramadan, men arrested for viewing women
“Yes, Iran has launched a sex strike,” said noted religious sex policy expert Alyssa Milano. “But that has nothing to do with Islam and everything to do with economic pain caused by U.S. sanctions.”
Gaza, West Bank added to Rashida Tlaib’s Congressional District
Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) praised the decision, saying the world would finally “stop dehumanizing our Palestinian people.”
Academie Francaise drops ‘male-dominated’ language in favor of Arabic
The switch was announced when it became clear that the “natural evolution” of French wasn’t happening fast enough and millions of Muslim immigrants demanded a more feminist language.
