Enemies of democracy want to kill a program that helps the government understand the behavior of millions of needy Americans by giving them phones preinstalled with “malware.”
Gov. Brown says his approach will make the Democrats’ spirit ultimately uncrushable. “You may think we’re playing Net Neutrality,” he said. “But be warned: We’re actually playing Something Awful.”
Jack Dorsey was quick to tweet new pics of a halal chicken sandwich receipt, writing, “You’re right, everyone can now completely forget about their background.”
“Yes, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson owned slaves and we must erase them from history. But all patriotic Americans should resent Russian meddling in our Cultural Revolution,” said Schiff.
“First they came for AOL,” said Al Gore, inventor of the Internet. “Who’s next if I say nothing because I didn’t have Instant Messenger?”
Every American recoils in horror as journalistic spume sprays from every outlet of the body politic. It’s odious and repugnant, but the media is addicted.
“I protected our democracy from a politically-motivated witch hunt,” said Becerra. “But I have to give all props to Hillary Clinton. It wouldn’t have been possible without her trailblazing efforts in digital transparency.”