California needs an America where undocumented private allegations can form the basis of social-media justice campaigns against evil people who believe in the presumption of innocence, and if that fails we can just kill federal judges.
“They’re not even counting the number of dead parents we encourage to come here,” said Sen. Ted Lieu (D-Malibu). “That’s not just a violation of human rights. It’s un-American and would shock Jesus.”
There has been absolutely no increase in the number or proportion of women looking for work in Home Depot parking lots over the last ten years.
“The president is in California this week, so I think it’s time for people in Sacramento to show what a welcoming community we are,” said school board member Jay Hansen.
The shelling has stopped. Fresh graves still mark the police action people are calling the Tax Cut Massacre, but the threat of cholera has receded.
“California has a housing crisis. China has a housing glut. Jerry makes me proud to be a Socialist,” said Darrell Steinberg.
The circumstances of the case are worthy of American’s finest news source, The Onion, but The Brie has the scoop.