In a bold new solution to the city’s homeless problem, Democrats will build thousands of tiny 4-bedroom replicas of the California governor’s mansion.
“The algorithm said our approach had a 97% chance of eliminating inequality,” said Sergey Brin. “Maybe a society that believes some people are more fit than others is just doomed to fail.”
An adoring crowd outside the Capitol praised Newsom’s plans by chanting “from the river to the sea, affordable housing will be free” and “end state executions now.”
“Republicans are determined to paint Democrats as out-of control, out-of-their minds socialists,” the mayor said. “But who in their right mind says that Socialism can’t work in America?”
The Shangri-La Towers will provide 300 square feet of luxury, inclusive growth, and fun without suspicion or fear so our activists can relax in a panic-free atmosphere.
The new complex is near a planned San Joaquin passenger rail system station where heroin addicts will greet commuters with the thousand-yard stare so familiar in San Francisco.
Anonymous sources say Newsom plans to convert the Capitol basement into an Eco Fitness gym that uses modified exercise bikes to push power back into the electrical grid. Political appointees in charge of social policy would be harnessed to the bikes until they utter the safe word “audacious.”