An adoring crowd outside the Capitol praised Newsom’s plans by chanting “from the river to the sea, affordable housing will be free” and “end state executions now.”
“Republicans are determined to paint Democrats as out-of control, out-of-their minds socialists,” the mayor said. “But who in their right mind says that Socialism can’t work in America?”
The Shangri-La Towers will provide 300 square feet of luxury, inclusive growth, and fun without suspicion or fear so our activists can relax in a panic-free atmosphere.
The new complex is near a planned San Joaquin passenger rail system station where heroin addicts will greet commuters with the thousand-yard stare so familiar in San Francisco.
Anonymous sources say Newsom plans to convert the Capitol basement into an Eco Fitness gym that uses modified exercise bikes to push power back into the electrical grid. Political appointees in charge of social policy would be harnessed to the bikes until they utter the safe word “audacious.”
“Just imagine how many jobs we can create when homeless addicts from other states hear about our free housing offer,” said Mayor Mark Farrell.
The city plans to eradicate hepatitis by paying the homeless and former felons to staff a network of “safe and clean” public bathrooms.