The mayor’s office released a statement saying it would be wise for us all to join with him, for only as a mighty army that is stronger together can we defeat this great evil.
“Imagine your kid wants to play in the snow but his wind-resistant fleece facemask needs to be ironed,” a Big Laundry lobbyist told us. “A blast of 400-degree steam to his face could kill him if our label didn’t warn you about that.”
Scientists unfazed after 73 computer models failed to accurately predict Climate Change and the worldwide phenomena of “Hot Women Posing With Guns.”
“We also want you to know that last week we said guns were evil, but today we’ve declared that guns are essential until we decide that guns are evil again, which should happen after we get back to ignoring typhus,” Garcetti said.
In a pivotal press conference today, President Trump blamed the COVID-19 virus on a viral Internet video that originated in the U.S., and the media immediately stopped blaming him for botching the COVID-19 response.
“Central planners of massive federal government cannot control foundation of where medical supplies and equipment come from,” de Blasio said on CNN’s “State of the Union of Socialist Republics” while wearing iron chains around his wrists.
Your mission is to build an elite disease disinformation team to push as many people as possible into panic and permanently weaken America. The first player to implement International Socialism wins.
