“If the Eagle at the top of the Tree of the Great Peace sees in the distance any danger threatening these principles, he will at once warn the people of the Nation,” said Warren.
“If they go low, we kick them, threaten to bomb the White House, and publish presidential assassination porn in the New York Times,” said Eric Holder. “Civility can wait until after The Purge.”
“All I do is think of Donald Trump, Uber, guns, and the NRA, and all I want to do is punch them all in the face,” he said. “You got a problem with that?”
Bernie Sanders will not have armed security. Instead, he will be surrounded by up to 10,000 unarmed Great Patriots from nudist communes and college campuses nationwide.
“The police don’t just need reform,” says Brother Maynard. “The police need to be abandoned altogether. Our plan is to replace them with communists from Black Liberation Collective.”
Me: Did you hear about the man with multiple personalities who shot himself outside the White House? Nathan Hale: Yes. Another terrible mass shooting. What will it take for people to give up their guns?
The new policy defines “gun violence” as “illegally, intentionally, and successfully wounding or killing someone with a firearm” and limits the bonuses to five shootings within ten years.