“I bought $300 worth of food and got a 50-cent per gallon discount,” said Sacramento resident Jorma Kaukonen, an elderly single woman who usually spends $50 a week on groceries.
“When evil Christian restaurant owners force their workers to serve healthy food and be nice to people, we have to act,” said third-wave feminist Lovechild Vaginica.
“This is yet another example of Sacramento’s comprehensive, intentional actions that will increase diversity and equity in the city’s economy,” said Chan. “If people stop dining out we’ll just tax them at home, too.”
“If anyone should apologize, it’s Alt-Right white-supremacists of German descent who would dare to open a Mexican restaurant in Alta California,” said Harris, “not Lopez-Alt.”
Seriously, age 8 just isn’t that young anymore. People younger than that routinely handle critical government policies like stealing money from their mom’s wallet or hacking the school principal’s email account.
The federal General Services Administration has hired a high-tech Swiss cuisine corporation to serve meals at the Congressional cafeteria, in the hopes that a neutral refreshment provider will keep Democrats and Republicans from killing each other.
“I want to quote from a portion of Leviticus. ‘Treat the stranger among you, as if he were one of your own, for ye yourself were a stranger in the land of Egypt.’ Now get out there and boycott the shit out of In-N-Out Burger!”