“Joe has been marked safe,” said campaign chairman Jennifer O’Malley Dillon. “And I’m used to this kind of weirdness after chairing Beto’s failed campaign, so there’s no need to be alarmed.”
“We also discovered that most babies don’t care if their moms love them, make funny faces, sing to them, or change their diapers,” said Dr. Pilata Vauva. “They appear to be consumed by feelings of economic injustice.”
“We’ll buy the Bee for a dollar if my uncle doesn’t sabotage the deal,” said Newsom. “But Steinberg will have to keep the debt because that’s all government is good at anyway.”
“With GPS, we can track a $20 bill from the Assembly Committee on Budget to the pocket of a homeless drug addict defecating in a potted plant,” said Assemblyman David Chiu of San Francisco.
“I canceled the plan in 2017 because a $43 billion cost increase was too expensive, but today I’m announcing no bullet train at all will cost $80.3 billion and will be ready in 13 years,” said the governor.
“Fairness is what it means to be a Socialist, and you should proudly vote for anyone on this stage except billionaires using their ill-gotten gains to run for president,” Sanders said at Friday’s debate.
Economic terrorists from an obscure school in Austria hacked Paul Krugman’s Twitter account and posted a bizarre false allegation regarding child pornography, says the FBI.