“We can’t have non-state actors diminishing our public relations efforts,” said Gov. Brown. “How many times do we have to deport these animals, anyway?”
“In hindsight, it was terrible public policy,” said one liberal bureaucrat. “But a police state might be the only way to save humanity from global warming and our own poor choices.”
“I don’t give a shit if they’re on the Endangered Species list or not,” said Gov. Brown. “They’re outta here.”
“They throw them everywhere: in the ocean, in the sand, in the trash can,” said Charles Bukowski, a Venice Beach maintenance worker who regularly finds dismembered scooters on the boardwalk.
Scientists aren’t sure if the #CatPoopChallenge will inoculate California from Socialism or encourage our youth to try the world’s least successful business model.
This is literally the least we can do for you, and you need to be okay with that or we can just skip to #7. Happy Father’s Day.
“If the U.S. had given us half of the $22 trillion spent since the ‘war on poverty’ began in the 1960s, the U.N. could have eliminated almost 20 million poor people,” said U.N. expert Philip Alston.
