Biden campaign fires entire staff of fluffers as fundraising tanks
A source close to the Biden camp said negotiations are underway with CNN to get Brian Stelter’s staff of fluffers as a campaign donation.
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O’Rourke livestreams colonoscopy, hopes to catch Sanders in the polls
“We can’t beat open heart surgery for sheer drama,” said campaign manager and fellow Irishman Jen O’Malley Dillon. “But we can let people know that Beto is just like them only better.”
Biden: Trump’s plan to feed neo-Nazi children to Great White sharks is ‘not who we are’
CNN reports that President Trump privately floated plans last year to use the apex predators to execute white supremacists before the 2020 election.
Climate Update: 2020 Democrats seek ban on plastic Voter ID cards
“Voter ID is dangerous for planet Earth,” said Bernie Sanders, who also said Democracy requires extending the ban to plastic credit and debit cards.
DCCC releases new ‘diversity’ color guide for Progressive voters
“In 2020, white people can’t vote for a presidential candidate who’s brown enough, so it’s vitally important that they feel guilty about that,” said Al Sharpton, who led the project for an undisclosed amount of money.
Bernie Sanders crushes ‘wage slave’ revolt by impoverished union field workers
“This campaign isn’t a democracy,” said Sanders’ CFO Yuri Larin. “It’s impossible to finish off capitalism without having finished off social democracy in the working-class movement.”
Did the Iranians create fake U.S. social media accounts and pose as GOP politicians?
“It’s not like we can just launch a covert investigation of political manipulation by foreign agents,” former CIA Director Brennan said on CNN. “Who do you think we are?”
