A source close to the Biden camp said negotiations are underway with CNN to get Brian Stelter’s staff of fluffers as a campaign donation.
“We can’t beat open heart surgery for sheer drama,” said campaign manager and fellow Irishman Jen O’Malley Dillon. “But we can let people know that Beto is just like them only better.”
CNN reports that President Trump privately floated plans last year to use the apex predators to execute white supremacists before the 2020 election.
“Voter ID is dangerous for planet Earth,” said Bernie Sanders, who also said Democracy requires extending the ban to plastic credit and debit cards.
“In 2020, white people can’t vote for a presidential candidate who’s brown enough, so it’s vitally important that they feel guilty about that,” said Al Sharpton, who led the project for an undisclosed amount of money.
“This campaign isn’t a democracy,” said Sanders’ CFO Yuri Larin. “It’s impossible to finish off capitalism without having finished off social democracy in the working-class movement.”
“It’s not like we can just launch a covert investigation of political manipulation by foreign agents,” former CIA Director Brennan said on CNN. “Who do you think we are?”