The Party almost nominated Biden after he recalled facing down razor-toting gang members. His gravitas has only grown since he threatened to kick Putin out of Ukraine armed only with a 6-foot length of chain.
FBI Director Christopher Wray noted that Duval County’s 4th grade students rank #1 in the nation in math, making it child’s play for them to hack the county’s voting machines.
A source close to the Biden camp said negotiations are underway with CNN to get Brian Stelter’s staff of fluffers as a campaign donation.
“We can’t beat open heart surgery for sheer drama,” said campaign manager and fellow Irishman Jen O’Malley Dillon. “But we can let people know that Beto is just like them only better.”
CNN reports that President Trump privately floated plans last year to use the apex predators to execute white supremacists before the 2020 election.
“Voter ID is dangerous for planet Earth,” said Bernie Sanders, who also said Democracy requires extending the ban to plastic credit and debit cards.
“In 2020, white people can’t vote for a presidential candidate who’s brown enough, so it’s vitally important that they feel guilty about that,” said Al Sharpton, who led the project for an undisclosed amount of money.