“I’ve learned that correct change cannot be known objectively,” said one customer. “Next time I buy a $3 coffee with a $20 bill and only get $1 back, I’ll be eliminating a little bit of racism from the world.”
A draft proposal says “only the federal government can enforce the licensing requirements of individuals who routinely work from home with substances that are strictly controlled by the same government.”
“Dr. Cusack proved himself to be a true ally of Palestine,” said University President Dr. Amiri Baraka. “Today we honor him with a Doctorate in Applied Sciences of Surface to Surface Missile Technology.”
Carlos and the other 149 campers start chanting the motto of Camp Agape: “Redistribution sets you free.” Fifteen minutes later, I’m convinced the phrase can never be fully eradicated from my mind and I’m strangely okay with that.
“It’s like cowbell. You can never have too much Barack Obama,” said Principal Carol Lewis of Barack Obama Middle School.
“We held our colleague to high professional standards and we believe she has appropriately fled the country,” said the school principal.
“They lured us into a seminar on ‘government ethics’ and the next thing I know I’m waking up in the hospital,” said one city official who was found unconscious on the floor of the local resort.