Gun control: Democratic Socialists to adopt Venezuelan anti-violence policy

Bernie agrees with Venezuelan treasury chief Salazar, who says his country can still be saved by ruthless economic control of bullet ownership.

Fine dining: Sacramento taxes people for not finishing their food

“This is yet another example of Sacramento’s comprehensive, intentional actions that will increase diversity and equity in the city’s economy,” said Chan. “If people stop dining out we’ll just tax them at home, too.”

Mayor de Blasio: NYC to mandate wattle and daub skyscrapers

“The biggest source of CO2 emissions is skyscrapers that lack both efficiency and diversity,” said the mayor. “We’re making the Green New Deal come alive with prehistoric buildings that use renewable materials.”

Mexico replaces official language after Spain refuses to apologize for Conquest

Experts say the decision could cause Mexico serious economic damage — not because there are many dialects of Nahuatl, but because “some of those dialects are mutually unintelligible.”

U.N. to retroactively kill people not affected by seas that didn’t rise in 1989

U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres has announced a new plan to save millions of people from rising sea levels by the year 2031: Kill retirees who didn’t die the last time oceans didn’t rise.