“The deaths began when President Obama said you can keep your doctor, and have been escalating ever since,” said a spokesman from Kaléo Pharmaceuticals, which is managing the trials.
What were Robert De Niro, Rob Reiner, and Brett Kavanaugh doing in 1982? Leaving John Belushi to die of a drug overdose in a Hollywood bungalow. Bada bing bada boom!
“Just imagine how many jobs we can create when homeless addicts from other states hear about our free housing offer,” said Mayor Mark Farrell.
Winfrey did not say she was running for president, but celebrities went wild when she said giving free stuff to the peasants didn’t start with Barack Obama.
When asked if Weed had submitted a plan, Mayor Palfini said, “Plan? We don’t need no stinkin’ plan. The name of our town is Weed.”
“We’ll be transporting mountains of cash to secret counting facilities,” said Chiang. “And too many Californians lack the self-control needed to resist committing armed robbery.”
Multiple sources tell The Sac Brie that one of the female FOX40 employees may have been performing a “pole dance” on top of the van.