The general poses a 0% threat to world peace, but hundreds were killed or injured in his hometown as his body was driven through the streets in a Chevy pickup built by the Great Satan himself.
Planned Parenthood is “upset that Christopher Columbus didn’t do it” but also “pleased that the myth of ritual child sacrifices can finally be blamed on climate change.”
The Sacramento Brie attempted to confirm the report, but did not get an immediately reply on Russia’s biggest messaging app.
An adoring crowd outside the Capitol praised Newsom’s plans by chanting “from the river to the sea, affordable housing will be free” and “end state executions now.”
Survivors formed a human peace sign on the beach after half their town’s residents died of a pre-existing condition.