Harvard professor calls for halt to ‘CO2 Sequestration Challenge’ until 2024
Three hours ago, consensus was that we had 12 years to save the planet by not killing ourselves, but the new deadline is 5 years.
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Democrats: Global suicide epidemic to end in 5 years
“We’re telling people not to kill themselves because Climate Change will get them in 12 years if we don’t get their vote in 2020,” said DNC Chairman Tom Perez, who insists the plan isn’t a cynical ploy to weaponize the fear of death.
Melted iceberg in Hawaii volcano could trigger explosive eruptions
An eruption lasting more than 30 years could wipe out Iceland and the Arctic Circle if you don’t vote Democrat, scientists say.
AOC chief of staff quits to head Green New Reich security force
“My official title is Climate Nazi, but it isn’t a climate thing at all,” said Chakrabarti. “It’s a final solution for our how-do-you-change-the-entire-means-of-production-thing.”
Neanderthal: ‘Truly alarming’ sign of climate change in French Alps
“I was here at the end of the last ice age,” said the former cave-dweller. “It’s truly alarming that this mountain lake isn’t bigger by now.”
Prince Charles issues climate ultimatum: ‘Save the Earth or I abdicate the throne’
If the ultimatum is ignored, Charles will abdicate and move to the Falkland Islands, taking the National Hedgelaying Championships with him.
Climate activists reveal new ‘Plastic Bag Over the Head CO2 Sequestration Challenge’
“Climate change is such a serious problem that anyone who opposes mass suicide to save the planet could be charged with human rights violations,” said ICC spokesperson Ekstere Vimem.
