“I was here at the end of the last ice age,” said the former cave-dweller. “It’s truly alarming that this mountain lake isn’t bigger by now.”
If the ultimatum is ignored, Charles will abdicate and move to the Falkland Islands, taking the National Hedgelaying Championships with him.
“Climate change is such a serious problem that anyone who opposes mass suicide to save the planet could be charged with human rights violations,” said ICC spokesperson Ekstere Vimem.
Trump has declassified photos proving that climate change has destroyed most of London one year ahead of a 2004 schedule provided by the Pentagon.
“We’re fighting the enemy on the International Front, the Industrial Front, the Political Front, and the Personal Front,” said hopeful Supreme Leader Warren. “But today we open the Military Front.”
The Pieseln Institute team said they were shocked at the “urine motor” directive because their study recommends “methane engine” technology, which emits one-third the CO2 of diesel motors.
U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres has announced a new plan to save millions of people from rising sea levels by the year 2031: Kill retirees who didn’t die the last time oceans didn’t rise.