State government adds ‘RIOT’ and ‘RESIST’ buttons to elevators

“The state’s emergency plan requires employees to resist fascism,” said spokesman Hassan Chop. “The ‘RIOT’ button takes loyal employees to the garage level where we store signs, masks, and other materials useful for rooting out fascists.”

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NYC renames historic entertainment landmark ‘Comey Island’

Under the new name, Comey Island will rebuild its reputation as a unique purveyor of American mass culture in the traditions of P.T. Barnum, burlesque, circus sideshows, vaudeville, and yellow journalism.