ThinkProgress for sale, staff to get training in BASIC coding language
“CAP is just a bunch of capitalist sellouts,” said the Editor in Chief. “I can’t believe Trump broke us and I’m learning to code.”
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Booker slams ‘segregationist’ Biden, demands VP slot when primary is over
Biden punched back twice as hard. “Democrats had ya’ll in chains back then. I worked with segregationists, but I’d be happy to have Cory under me in the White House even if he doesn’t apologize.”
#Resistance: ‘Helplessly Set Yourself on Fire Day’ to protest Mueller Report
BREAKING: Leaders of anti-Trump Resistance cells are urging the public to protest the ineffectual Mueller Report by taking part in “Helplessly Set Yourself on Fire Day.”
Brennan, Clapper lash out at Trump for declassifying 2016 election intel
“A sitting president just can’t unmask foreign intelligence assets hired by the Democrat Party to stage an honest coup,” said Brennan. “This is a serious and outrageous move on the part of Mr. Trump.”
Male feminists outraged as AP Stylebook replaces ‘fetus’ with ‘undocumented baby’
“A man needs an opinion about a woman’s uterus like a fish needs a bicycle,” said male feminist protester Auden Finch. “I’m outraged on behalf of all women.”
Bernie releases tax returns, joins Faith of the Seven Gods
“I’ve spent years ranting against the excesses of the wealthiest Americans, and now I’m a member of the 1%,” the presidential contender admitted. “So I had the seven-pointed star carved into my forehead to prove my devotion to Our Revolution.”
Protected bird lays eggs in DNC headquarters, Democrats postpone 2020 election
The killdeer, or Charadrius vociferus, is protected by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act and derives its name from the Provençal word for “charade” and the Latin “vociferari.”
