The repatriation contract offered to Smokey and Woodsy stipulates they must freely and publicly admit — in perpetuity, with no royalties — that “Only Massive Government Spending Can Stop Climate-Caused Wildfires.”
“The ‘bullet train’ stopped being an actual bullet train when we realized we’d have to share low-speed track with local commuter and freight services,” said a worker in Fresno who asked to remain anonymous. “That was in 2012.”
“We can’t have non-state actors diminishing our public relations efforts,” said Gov. Brown. “How many times do we have to deport these animals, anyway?”
California needs an America where undocumented private allegations can form the basis of social-media justice campaigns against evil people who believe in the presumption of innocence, and if that fails we can just kill federal judges.
“Democrats really are willing to do anything to prove that Donald Trump is a pervert,” said the club’s manager. “It’s been really good for business.”
Sacramento is looking for a new label, but a new invention by Tomato City “native son” Wichard Rong could throw a bong into plans for the rebranding as “America’s Farm to Fork Capital.”
Some students say the college rape culture experience is the best four years of their lives and should be freely available to everyone.