Fresno mayor says he “merely offered her a jack and coke after the long and dangerous journey.”
“We’ll be transporting mountains of cash to secret counting facilities,” said Chiang. “And too many Californians lack the self-control needed to resist committing armed robbery.”
Progressive women have admitted that workplace sexual harassment in the biggest Progressive state has largely gone undocumented even though it’s illegal.
The city plans to eradicate hepatitis by paying the homeless and former felons to staff a network of “safe and clean” public bathrooms.
Every now and then, I remember it’s impossible to satirize Progressives so I write something that isn’t satire. The Brie will return to deluding itself tomorrow.
The next extinction-level event could begin 30,051 days from now, when the earth’s cumulative ocean uptake of carbon exceeds critical mass.
“I’m not even sure my penis is conceptual,” said President Nelsen. “How can I expect my students to know?”