Sam Donaldson denies using South African mohair subsidies for personal gain

Shadowy figures in the South African government’s mohair subsidy market have accused Donaldson of using ties to powerful American media men to influence the worldwide production of toupees.

Governor demands federal funds for crisis that doesn’t exist

“The White Hispanic governor of New Mexico is demanding an unknown amount of federal money to help pay for a crisis that doesn’t exist,” Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham said today from an empty building in an undisclosed location.