“If a gay white female atheist employee is offended, we’re asking her to consult a straight black male Muslim refugee employee to see if they agree on whether a customer is disruptive,” said Johnson.
“When nothing is sinful, everything is sinful,” says Smith. “I knew MLK and I have a new letter from the Birmingham jail. Don’t go to church, eat, drink, or take the bus with white people.”
“People can react differently to others based on skin color whether it’s from birth, military service, or a tanning booth. Just ask the orange-faced Mafia don with small hands who’s posing as president,” said the Starbucks CEO.
A non-stop shower of Stormy Daniels cleavage shots has padded CNN’s bottom line, say execs.
“If it isn’t obvious, you’re not paying attention,” said CCPJ spokesman Josef Guevara. “We need a military coup to protect the separation of powers guaranteed by the Constitution.”
“First they came for AOL,” said Al Gore, inventor of the Internet. “Who’s next if I say nothing because I didn’t have Instant Messenger?”
Coach: “I have no idea how our wide receivers are going to run their routes. Although maybe it will help them keep one foot inbounds. This is a real game changer.”