The Des Moines Police Department described Biden as a “78-year-old white male, last seen leaving the Iowa caucuses, who may be suffering from electoral depression and delusions of grandeur.”
Carville also said Democrats “might have to vote for a Socialist cult leader because what we need is power! Do you understand? That’s what this is about.”
Incomplete caucus results say 24% of voters are aged 17-29, and 48% of them voted for Sanders and revolution. The numbers in favor of “guillotining the rich” fall sharply among older voters.
Communist staffers for the Sanders campaign said they’re still in favor of American gulags, re-education camps, burning cities, and murdering people who resist, but would never sabotage elections to achieve their goals.
After Elizabeth Warren said a 9-year-old transgender boy will pick her Secretary of Education, Bernie Sanders announced the Communist Youth League will pick his Secretary of Defense.
“Unless Mayor Pete does something dramatic, he’ll only win about 2% of naive voters who can’t find Ukraine on a map,” Sharpton said before praying over Buttigieg’s meal of fried chicken and collard greens.
“I’m not surprised Bernie collapsed,” said his campaign manager. “It’s hard enough for Americans to believe you’re an honest Socialist, and then your focus group says Warren is more authentic.”