Democrats leading the #Resistance sound like Osama bin Laden being interviewed by ABC News: “We believe that the worst thieves in the world today and the worst terrorists are the Americans.”
Anonymous sources say Newsom plans to convert the Capitol basement into an Eco Fitness gym that uses modified exercise bikes to push power back into the electrical grid. Political appointees in charge of social policy would be harnessed to the bikes until they utter the safe word “audacious.”
“Just imagine how many jobs we can create when homeless addicts from other states hear about our free housing offer,” said Mayor Mark Farrell.
Air Traffic Controllers heard sounds of a struggle and expletives in Esperanto from the cockpit before the plane landed on the empty runway.
The homeless eradication campaign could raise more questions about the role of robots in society, especially if they continue to vaporize people in the public right-of-way.
The ship was caught in hurricane force winds with the racist name of “El Niño” so we began to throw NFL players overboard.
The circumstances of the case are worthy of American’s finest news source, The Onion, but The Brie has the scoop.