“Imagine never having to worry about a dictator,” said Newsom. “EVOTE will enable smart, forward-thinking Democratic leaders to bear the burden of voting on behalf of all the people.”
California’s favorite cis-gendered son was banned from “the playground” at San Francisco’s famous fetish festival this weekend, but his steely-dan gaze and fabulous hair made a magnificent impression on voters at the suspension booth.
Saint Colin prays with Occupy and firebombs a series of naval bases before being ensconced in a palatial home and preparing himself with spiritual rigor for his pitch to the Goddess Nike.
Democrats leading the #Resistance sound like Osama bin Laden being interviewed by ABC News: “We believe that the worst thieves in the world today and the worst terrorists are the Americans.”
Anonymous sources say Newsom plans to convert the Capitol basement into an Eco Fitness gym that uses modified exercise bikes to push power back into the electrical grid. Political appointees in charge of social policy would be harnessed to the bikes until they utter the safe word “audacious.”
“Just imagine how many jobs we can create when homeless addicts from other states hear about our free housing offer,” said Mayor Mark Farrell.
Air Traffic Controllers heard sounds of a struggle and expletives in Esperanto from the cockpit before the plane landed on the empty runway.
