“Unlike privileged white porn workers, brown undocumented porn workers already know how to safely operate industrial sex machines,” said Cristina Garcia (D-Bell Gardens).
Under a program whimsically nicknamed “The Goolag Archipelago,” anyone who repeatedly fails to pick up their own poop from the sidewalk, or misgenders an officer of the Homeless Inquisition, could spend six months in a mental health camp.
“With GPS, we can track a $20 bill from the Assembly Committee on Budget to the pocket of a homeless drug addict defecating in a potted plant,” said Assemblyman David Chiu of San Francisco.
“I canceled the plan in 2017 because a $43 billion cost increase was too expensive, but today I’m announcing no bullet train at all will cost $80.3 billion and will be ready in 13 years,” said the governor.
“We don’t know exactly how or when it happened, but it appears that men prefer to buy things they identify with manliness,” scientists say.
According to dairy farmers across the state, once-cheerful bovines are organizing “moo helplessly at the sky” events and seeking group therapy.
Huey P. “Navin” Newsom, the disowned nephew of Pope Gavin Newsom, noticed a foreboding statistic in the traffic logs of his small, but growing, right-wing satire site.