According to dairy farmers across the state, once-cheerful bovines are organizing “moo helplessly at the sky” events and seeking group therapy.
Huey P. “Navin” Newsom, the disowned nephew of Pope Gavin Newsom, noticed a foreboding statistic in the traffic logs of his small, but growing, right-wing satire site.
Critics who said it would cost $3.7 billion to supply beds for 92,000 unsheltered people have not been heard from since the papal press conference ended.
The governor launched CalDOPE this week, saying, “we’re taking power out of the hands of greedy pharmaceutical companies and putting it in the hands of selfless public servants who can’t be sued.”
If you are threatening to murder someone, the new Commandment requires police to deescalate the situation with a stern warning.
“We created a new tradition,” said Mayor Darrell Steinberg, who supported the efforts of the community by deporting 200 violent youths to Stockton.
In a major technology coup, Gov. Gavin Newsom has licensed the legendary accounting software VisiCalc to upgrade the state’s $1 billion Financial Information System.