Good news: Griffin might die soon. Bad news: She’s only 59, and could subject us to 16 more years of her unbearable personality before offing herself so no one remembers her as feeble, ineffectual, and pathetic, instead of gross, hateful, and pathetic.
“We also want you to know that last week we said guns were evil, but today we’ve declared that guns are essential until we decide that guns are evil again, which should happen after we get back to ignoring typhus,” Garcetti said.
Experts say the number of powerful vaginas available worldwide is never more than a few hundred, and the new spike in demand has already caused a shortage.
Voters are generally opposed to a virus that could kill them and their extended families, but having the entire state healthcare system overwhelmed is better than voting for Trump.
In the billiard room, Van Dyke noted that “Bernie would have let Stalin take the entire city of Berlin if he’d been President in 1945, and I don’t understand why people of my generation aren’t voting for him.”
“Republicans are political vampires peddling dubious ideas,” Warren said. “Someone even said Democrats want negative energy pulled out of their butts. That rhetoric undermines our confidence in the Constitution.”
Lawyers for the Recording Academy cancelled the “Person of the Year” tribute after discovering that the band is actually a corporation.