Anti-colonial activists protesting the Monroe Doctrine ripped down a statue of President James Monroe’s wife on Wednesday, according to officials in Los Angeles.
“We’re very much in favor of death with dignity,” said the ACLU. “But we can’t allow people to be vaporized in the public right-of-way unless the euthanasia robot gets their affirmative consent.”
The former “president for everybody” said that “Republicans can get on the bus at the corner of Obama and MLK, but they’ll have to ride in the back.”
“We need to upgrade every building in the country anyway,” said Ocasio-Cortez. “Why not kill two rats with one stone by starting that project in Los Angeles?”
“We only noticed these trash mountains when a government official got sick,” said Mayor Garcetti. “Experts say they may have always been there but no one of consequence noticed them before.”
Julian Assange, granted asylum by Ecuador in 2012, will travel by caravan to Los Angeles. Gov. Newsom has promised a “wall” to keep out the “enemy immigrant.”
“It definitely was not LeBron’s intent to hurt anybody,” said Tamika Mallory. “It is a compliment to say slave-owning Jews hold all the wealth, and anyone who doesn’t understand that is a racist, especially that termite Zuckerberg.”