Self-driving car kills ‘too black’ actor who’s ‘not black enough’ for movie role

Researchers responsible for the robot driving systems have hired lawyers and crisis-management consultants in anticipation of social justice protests.

How do you solve a problem like Sharia? Remake the ‘Sound of Music’

Ms. Omar plays Maria, a lesbian imam working to liberalize a harsh and overly restrictive 21st century Austrian society by introducing the fulfilling and joyous alternative of Sharia Law.

Leading actor accidentally attends porn awards, can’t tell the difference

“I’m embarrassed to say it, but I didn’t even know I was at the Adult Video News Awards until the day after,” said the actor who insisted on anonymity.

Will she run? Winfrey promises everyone free car, ounce of pot

Winfrey did not say she was running for president, but celebrities went wild when she said giving free stuff to the peasants didn’t start with Barack Obama.

‘Sperm from space’ panics Southern California feminists

“Calm the fuck down. This is the final launch of 2017, so we won’t be raping you from space until 2018,” said Vandenberg commander Col. Thomas Baiser. “Merry Christmas.”