California’s favorite cis-gendered son was banned from “the playground” at San Francisco’s famous fetish festival this weekend, but his steely-dan gaze and fabulous hair made a magnificent impression on voters at the suspension booth.
Saint Colin prays with Occupy and firebombs a series of naval bases before being ensconced in a palatial home and preparing himself with spiritual rigor for his pitch to the Goddess Nike.
“They throw them everywhere: in the ocean, in the sand, in the trash can,” said Charles Bukowski, a Venice Beach maintenance worker who regularly finds dismembered scooters on the boardwalk.
6:00 p.m. A helicopter has landed in front of City Hall, festooned with SPAM logos. A man dressed like Evel Knievel is getting into the helicopter.
Democrats leading the #Resistance sound like Osama bin Laden being interviewed by ABC News: “We believe that the worst thieves in the world today and the worst terrorists are the Americans.”
Anonymous sources say Newsom plans to convert the Capitol basement into an Eco Fitness gym that uses modified exercise bikes to push power back into the electrical grid. Political appointees in charge of social policy would be harnessed to the bikes until they utter the safe word “audacious.”
“We recognize the need for change and are committed to a stable transition. Now, if you will excuse me, I have an appointment at Bohemian Grove,” Caruso said after the excommunication.
