“We expect more … appropriate demeanor, so you won’t see the Aztec Doctor dancing with the cheerleaders, but you will see him providing human sacrifices in the locker room,” said interim SDSU President Sally Roush.
“Just imagine how many jobs we can create when homeless addicts from other states hear about our free housing offer,” said Mayor Mark Farrell.
“The police don’t just need reform,” says Brother Maynard. “The police need to be abandoned altogether. Our plan is to replace them with communists from Black Liberation Collective.”
“If these things can sanitize a commercial bounce house after a birthday party of fifty toddlers in diapers, they can clean the news for the millions of Americans who use Facebook,” Mark Zuckerberg said.
Air Traffic Controllers heard sounds of a struggle and expletives in Esperanto from the cockpit before the plane landed on the empty runway.
“I’m embarrassed to say it, but I didn’t even know I was at the Adult Video News Awards until the day after,” said the actor who insisted on anonymity.
Fireman Joe Stackhouse spent years gathering body measurements of female firefighters. “I just hope these warehouse fires don’t put a damper on my efforts.”