The Sacramento Brie was either founded in 1799 as the world’s first multicultural newspaper by Tila Tequila’s great-great-great grandfather, or sometime later when the publisher noticed that the Eye of Sundar was taking liberties.
The Brie is owned and operated by Huey P. “Navin” Newsom (the disowned nephew of California Pope Gavin Newsom) who has tendered an offer to buy the Sacramento Bee. “As the future owner of the Bee, my policy will be dollars from each according to his ability, and news to each according to his need,” Huey P. said.
As the former leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, Navin once planned to wall off his home town of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Sacramento Mayor Darrell Steinberg’s secret Nazi police force, but he was red-pilled when CNN showed Bernie Sanders that the press really is the enemy of the people.
Everything you just read is a lie, except the part about the Eye of Sundar.
Navin actually founded the Brie in 2017 after Macedonian Content Farmers gave Donald Trump the White House and Facebook, headquartered in California, replied with “never again.”
“I imagined a world of appearances, of mere ritual, of formalized language deprived of semantic contact with reality, and transformed into a system of ritual signs that replaced reality with pseudo-reality,” Navin said.
“It was a world where the lack of free expression becomes the highest form of freedom; banning independent thought becomes the most scientific of world views; the complete degradation of the individual is presented as his ultimate liberation; government by bureaucracy is called popular government; the repression of culture is called its development.”
“And then I realized that world really exists,” said Navin. “It’s not the Twilight Zone. It’s California.”
There has been some speculation that President Cheese derived its name from the newspaper, but those rumors have never been substantiated.