In a tightly worded statement today, NY Governor Andrew Cuomo (CCP-NY), defied calls for him to vacate the executive mansion.
“I absolutely cannot vacate the executive mansion. Due to homicidal COVID-19 public safety policies enacted by states such as Florida, New Yorkers are abandoning this state in record numbers. Moving companies simply don’t have vehicles and crews available at this time.”
After several Empire State van lines and moving companies offered their services for free, the governor snapped.
“Who are you going to believe, seven women, or me? Like my baby bro said, I’m single and ready to mingle. You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, right? Look, I’m a frisky, fun-loving sexual dynamo. I ooze masculinity and musky pheromones, and women are always throwing themselves at me. If I misread a couple of them, well, no harm done, right?”