Canine-Gate Dogs Biden Administration

Sacramento Brie investigative reporters acquired a memo from an anonymous source with access to the inner workings of the White House detailing their strategy for handling the burgeoning Canine-Gate scandal after a Biden dog allegedly bit a Secret Service agent.

“Under no circumstances will any member of the White House staff mention a supposed offer by Michael Vick’s to rehome the dogs,” the memo read. “Further, any mention of President Obama’s favorite dog recipes from his time in Indonesia is strictly prohibited.”

Canine-Gate started in January when then President-Elect Biden showed up in public wearing a walking cast , claiming that he injured himself while pulling the dog’s tail in the shower. Last week, Senator Mitt Romney appeared with stitches and bruises in his face, which he claimed occurred when he was watching Biden play with his wiener in the shower. A review of public records did not reveal the Bidens ever owned a dachshund.

A review of White House visitor logs failed to show whether Anthony Weiner, convicted sleaze and former husband to Hilary Clinton’s close aide Huma Abedin, was present in the White House during the alleged Romney incident.

White House spokesperson Jen Psaki appeared to chase her tail when confronted by reporter’s questions. “I’m going to have to circle back on that,” she told the press corps. “Really, we need to move on instead of going around and around on this.” Psaki was later photographed in the Oval Office, curled up on her favorite blanket, surrounded by squeaky toys.

Immigration and animals rights activists came together in a rare moment of unity to condemn the administration.

“No more kids or dogs in cages!” chanted three sign-wielding demonstrators from the newly-established federal protest location in Landover, Maryland.

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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