Cuomo Invites Party Leaders To Albany For Talks

Governor Andrew Cuomo (CCP-NY) reportedly invited leading New York politicians to a dinner meeting in Albany to discuss the growing sexual harassment scandal surrounding the governor.

“It’s important to me that these baseless accusations are dealt with swiftly and fairly,” Cuomo told reporters gathered around the hot tub on the back deck of the governor’s mansion. “I have nothing but absolute respect for every woman. This meeting will lay the groundwork for future cooperation between myself and these important members of the party.”

When the governor was pressed on the guest list, he listed several prominent New York politicians. “Senator Gillibrand is on the list. She’s a little long in the tooth, but I’ve wanted to bang her for a long time. Representatives Rice, Meng, and Clarke are obvious choices as well. You can’t overlook older broads; they don’t get it often so they make the most of every opportunity. And who can forget Representative Ocasio-Cortez? In the words of one of my personal heroes, I’ll bet she shags like a minx. Overall, these chicks put the ‘party’ in Democrat Party.”

A meeting agenda obtained by Sacramento Brie investigators showed a cocktail hour featuring body shots taken from Cuomo’s chiseled abs, followed by a light supper including multiple courses of oysters and sauted tiger penis. A dessert course of melted chocolate and whipped cream rounded out the meal, followed by a digestif of ground Black Rhino horn and Ecstasy. Afterwards, the group is scheduled to retire to the “Fun Room” for in-depth discussions during a game of Naked Twister.

It’s unknown whether any of the invitees plan to attend.

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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