Sac Brie Quick Take: Biden First State Visit will be UK

Sources inside the Harris/Biden administration report that President Biden’s first overseas trip will be to the G7 meeting scheduled for June in Cornwall, UK.

In a break with tradition, Biden plans to forego traditional gift exchanges with foreign dignitaries. Instead, he will offer free anal swab COVID testing, supervised by Dr. Jill Biden.

“Our Chinese partners have assured the administration that they would make hundreds of anal swab kits available for the trip,” one official said on the condition of anonymity. “These kits have undergone extensive testing on our special cultural envoy to China, Rep. Eric Swalwell, with satisfactory results.”

“I think it’s fantastic,” reported another anonymous source. “Obama gave the Queen an iPod loaded with his greatest speeches, and now President Biden will swab her anus. This signals an exciting new chapter in US-UK relations.”

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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