1960’s Sex Kitten Visits Troops In Washington, DC.

1960’s sex kitten and octogenarian fitness megastar Jane Fonda took time out her busy schedule to visit the Democratic People’s Republic of Washington, D.C. earlier this week. While she was there, Fonda toured defensive positions manned by troops from the Socialist Republic of Vietnam and posed for pictures on an anti-aircraft battery.

“I’m so happy to be here to show my support for these troops,” the ageless Fonda told reporters as she cavorted among the troops. “They remind me of their fathers and grandfathers that I supported long ago in their struggle against another threat to freedom and democracy.”

Pentagon officials were matter-of-fact when questioned about the Vietnamese soldiers among the approximately 400,000 troops stationed in the DPRW. “It’s part of our Defund the Military program,” one official admitted on the condition of anonymity. “The savings are huge. We pay Vietnamese soldiers a handful of rice per day, they’re happy to sleep in parking garages, and they don’t have the same restrictions when it comes to firing on American citizens. It’s a win-win.”

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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