Sac Brie Quick Take: District Of Columbia Renamed.

After it was discovered that there are more U.S. troops in Washington, D.C. than there are in Iraq and Afghanistan combined, the mayor of Washington promptly changed the name from District of Columbia to the District of Iraqistanfrica.

“The new name more accurately reflects the combat zones in which the U.S. has troops deployed,” said Dee Znuts, spokesperson for the mayor’s office. “The dangers faced by the brave men and women guarding this sacred ground against the forces of evil are far more serious than any faced by troops anywhere else in the world.”

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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