Sac Brie Quick Take: Harris/Biden Considered, Rejected Selective Service To Bolster Inauguration Security

Sac Brie investigators obtained a private memo purportedly circulated among top administration officials which detailed plans to activate the Selective Service to ensure adequate troops were available to provide security during the lead-up to the presidential inauguration.

“While I can’t speak to any specific security measures, I can tell you that nothing is off the table,” Jack Mehoff, Harris/Biden administration spokesman, told the Brie. “Given the extensive threat posed by Americans who want to assemble peaceably, we are taking extraordinary security measures.

An unnamed anonymous government source who spoke on the condition of anonymity, described one of those extraordinary measures.

“Congressional Democrats invited the Chinese Communist Party to have a representative sit in on classified briefings held by the House Intelligence Committee for the purposes of information sharing, and the PRC Navy’s Type 002 aircraft carrier Shandong has anchored in the Potomac River in case close air support is required.”

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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