Lawsuits Filed As Inauguration Carnival Plans Stall

According to federal court documents obtained by Sacramento Brie investigators, owners of a popular traveling carnival have filed suit against the United States government for breach of contract related to upcoming Inauguration Day festivities. The lawsuit demands ninety billion dollars in damages.

Attorneys for Hunter/XI Entertainment, Inc., claim their client was irreparably harmed when the Harris/Biden administration opted for a virtual inauguration instead of a live event.

“Hunter/XI contracted in good faith for a prime location on the carnival midway,” announced Dick Shyster, spokesman for Wee, Fukem, and Howe, Attorneys at Law. “They invested a great deal of money to provide quality family entertainment to the one hundred and forty-eight million Harris/Biden voters expected to attend the inauguration, which they stand to lose under the “Max Headroom Inauguration” currently being planned.”

Cooter McCleetus, long-time Hunter/Xi carnival operator, painted a grim picture. “I came up with a new game called “Whack-A-Prole” that cost me a pretty penny to develop. I hired forty busloads of antifa to come in last Wednesday and tear down the Lincoln Memorial to make way for the game, and I was forced to redirect them to the Capitol Building, at twice the cost. The Department of Justice provided us with eight thousand MAGA proles to pop up through holes in the game floor, and every one of them has to be housed and vaccinated. When the deal fell through, DOJ refused to resume custody of them, but they told me it’s illegal to release them back into the wild. What am I supposed to do with a bunch of people who want the freedom to gather and talk to each other?”

The decision to move the inauguration to the basement of the White House has had far-reaching international implications as well. Sum Yung Guy, press secretary for the Chinese Communist Party, gave a blunt assessment of the situation. “Until now, we have consistently received quality returns on our investments in American politicians, especially the Big Guy Equity Group. Now, it seems Big Guy have decided not to honor our arrangement, which threatens American national security. We have ordered a full investigation by our representatives on the House Intelligence Committee.”

On a positive note, New York City Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr, aka Bill de Blasio, offered Hunter/Xi Entertainment a permanent home for their operation.

“New York would welcome “Whack-A-Prole” to Central Park,” read a press release issued early this morning. “In addition to expanding the city tax base by six jobs, the game offers an invaluable opportunity for all New Yorkers to experience the thrill of whacking a prole, a privilege usually reserved for the upper class.”

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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