Sac Brie Quick Take: Octogenarian Wins Speaker Reelection In Landslide

On Sunday, 80-year-old U.S. Representative Nancy Pelosi (CCP-CA) won reelection for Speaker of the House in a landslide vote. The race between Pelosi and Republican Kevin McCarthy was neck-and-neck until the Speaker called a temporary halt to the proceedings before Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and Georgia could cast their votes. All Republican representatives then departed the House Chamber on an impromptu field trip for ice cream from a truck parked near the Washington Monument, paid for by the Speaker herself. When the House reconvened, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Georgia cast their votes and Pelosi surged to victory by a comfortable 5,307-vote margin.

“This is a great day for American democracy,” read a statement released by the Speaker’s office. “The Speaker is proud to partner with President-in-Waiting-Elect Harris and what’s-his-name to continue the important work on behalf of her campaign contributors.”

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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