Sac Brie Quick Take: House Of Representatives Inadvertently Unleashes Ancient Evil

During the prayer to open the 117th Congress on Sunday, Rep. Emmanuel Cleaver (CCP-MO) inadvertently invoked the name of an ancient and evil monster when he prayed in the name of “AmenAndA-Woman”. The beast immediately roused from its five thousand-year resting place on the bottom of the Potomac River and began to destroy Washington D.C.

Cryptozoologists have identified “AmenAndA-Woman” as the ill-tempered older sister of Cthulu, of Lovecraftian fame. “This is the end of the world as we know it,” said Angus Haggis, Chair of the School of Lovecraft at Scotland’s University of Edinburgh. ” Better kiss yer arse goodbye, because there’s no taking this one back.”

Check back for updates to this story, at least until we’re all dead.

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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