Alec Baldwin, fading Hollywood actor whose history of abusive behavior and violence made him a staple of showbiz headlines throughout his modest career, is back in the spotlight after it was revealed that his wife, Hillary Thomas, has been passing herself off as Spanish-born for at least a decade.
Hillary “Hilaria” Thomas, Baldwin’s wife since 2012, has employed a Spanish accent of varying degrees throughout her public life, much like Hillary Clinton’s ever-changing accents depended on her audience. A biographical profile on Hilary Thomas’ professional webpage claimed she was born in Mallorca, Spain, but she has since revealed she was born in Boston, Massachusetts, and that she was a “different” kind of Bostonian.
“National origins are a social construct,” read a statement released by Baldwin’s agent. “They reflect imaginary lines on a map and not the reality of the human condition.”
Sources who spoke on the condition of anonymity, revealed that Baldwin was privately pleased by the attention resulting from the scandal.
“He’s got an ego the size of 30 Rockefeller Plaza, and he craves the spotlight,” one source told The Brie.
“His career highlight was a caricature in Team America: World Police,” said another. “Since then, it’s been one lowlight after another. Hell, he couldn’t stomach the fact that Kim Bassinger had an Oscar and he’d only been nominated. I hear that’s what caused their divorce.”
Since the revelation of his wife’s fraud, Baldwin has gone on the offensive. He and his wife have founded the “Hilaria-US Foundation” to help children who suffer from the newly discovered condition known as National Origin Dysphoria (NOD). He spoke at a hastily organized press conference earlier today.
“NOD is no laughing matter. Through the Hilaria-US Foundation, mi esposa and I hope to bring kids, parents, teachers, and political leaders together to solve this crisis. If it takes a village to raise a child, it will take Hilaria-US to make them feel at home in this world, wherever they want to be from.”