Former VP Biden Addresses Hunter Crack Pipe Pics

In a press release today, former Vice President Biden addressed the controversy surrounding recent photos of his son and smartest guy Biden knows, Hunter Biden, allegedly passed out with a crack cocaine pipe in his mouth.

“That’s not a crack pipe,” the statement read. “It’s a specially-designed continuous positive air pressure (CPAP) machine, designed to help Hunter deal with his methamphetamine-induced sleep apnea. After a series of tests and consultation with Chinese Communist Party health officials, Dr. Jill Biden prescribed the CPAP for her son.”

In the 1991 blockbuster film New Jack City, the crack-addicted character “Pookie,” played by Chris Rock, was based on Hunter Biden, whose real-life drug-fueled Thanksgiving Day antics in Harlem had became the stuff of legend. Of note, Biden would later blame the film for his 2013 positive cocaine urinalysis test and administrative discharge from the U.S. Naval Reserve.

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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