Guest Farm Worker Program Under Scrutiny

Funding for a little-known guest worker program included in the recent COVID stimulus bill has come under fire as details of the program emerge. Proponents of the “Biannual Votos Harvest Program” (BVHP) claim the program provides important manpower for the critical biannual harvest of votos, but critics aren’t so sure.

The BVHP provides free transportation, housing, health and dental care for up to three million guest workers, along with a ten-dollar payment per voto harvested.

“It’s a case of free-range migratory people doing a job Americans aren’t willing to do,” claimed Harvey Fender, Professor of Alternative Economics and Marxism at UC Davis. “Without their willing hands and strong backs, hundreds of thousands of votos would go unharvested every two years.”

“I don’t know what votos are, but there are millions of Americans out of work,” said Bezel Jones, a farmer in California’s Central Valley. “If votos can be harvested in a socially distant manner consistent with COVID restrictions, Americans should do the harvesting.”

The Democrat National Committee issued a strong statement in support of the BVHP. “Harvesting votos is critical to our democratic process and election success. The ten dollars per voto harvested is a bargain-basement rate; in recent election years, voto harvesters have charged as much as twenty-five dollars each.”

To date, the Sacramento Brie Test Kitchen staff have been unsuccessful in their efforts to identify which cuisine votos are used in, and why they are limited to a biannual harvest.

Author: Girth McFestus

As an infant, Girth McFestus was discovered living with a family of wolves near Chernobyl, Ukraine. An American flag-shaped birthmark on his back caused Ukrainian officials to contact the American embassy, and Girth was repatriated to the U.S. as part of a business deal by the shadowy organized crime figure known only as "The Big Guy." His home is now where he hangs his hat, and the world is his oyster.

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